I will be starting something new for our fishing reports, a top 10 list! It is meant to be humorous and fun, because fishing is really fun, and I see much humor on the water every day. Those of you out there who are easily offended and have no sense of humor should not read them, or ever book a trip with me. Instead, head to McDonalds, get a coffee with free refills for a few hours to get fired up for your big afternoon watching Fox News.

Top 10 things to blame for the weak hex hatch on any given night:

10. The moon. It doesn't matter what phase it's in, it's that goddam moon's fault. They need to get rid of that thing.
9. The muskrats. They ate all the hexes on their way up to the surface, bastards.
8. Iran. They have been working on a way to foil the hex hatch for years.
7. The farmers. They hate kooky fisherman, hence, they hate the hexes too. The farmers obviously poisoned the river.
6. California residents. The hex hatch was awesome before California residents moved in.
5. Bait fisherman. Not only do those mouth breathing windowlickers leave empty beer cans, salmon egg jars, and KFC boxes everywhere they fish, they also ruined the hex hatch somehow.
4. Obama.
3. The drought. Hexes are burrowed into the muck at the bottom of the river, where it is quite dry now.
2. Your guide. A fishing guide has complete and total control of weather, hatches, river flows, fish feeding, and client angling skills. At the end of the day, hiring a guide should guarantee you a huge hatch with lots of easy to catch big fish.
1. Your aimless thrashing and beating of the water for two hours prior to the hatch. Despite the belief that wild trout are fearless unwary creatures very tolerant of overhead predation and loud thrashing noises above them, you might notice that there are lots of hexes and no fish rising to them....hmmm.